Chains

Chain
Table of contents

Some people have a difficult childhood 

Some of the difficulties are external to the family (earthquakes, famines, repressive governments and other causes). Some are internal to the family but unavoidable (death, illness and other causes). In many cases, however, the problems stem from within the family, generally started by the parents or caretakers and suffered by everybody in the house.

Some parents are immature (irrelevant of their age) to take care of the children; some never wanted to have children but they do; some have quarrels with their partners and take it out on the children; addictions are another trigger; and there are other causes as well.

 

Children need the care of their parents 

That includes shelter, food, attention, caring and understanding, among other things. When a child does not receive these things, many times they tend to normalize the situation. “What happens to me is what happens in a house”, they might think.

Furthermore, many times children feel responsible or even guilty for the misbehaviours of their parents. They often think that they probably weren’t good enough and what they receive is their punishment.

 

Neglected children many times carry a weight on their shoulders into adulthood 

Some heal by themselves or with the help of the Social Services or mental health aid. Many carry on productive and enjoyable lives, probably different than what they would have chosen if they came from a different background, but satisfying lives nonetheless.

 

Breaking up the chain of abuse

There is an issue of utmost importance. Some people who had a difficult childhood inflict similar damage onto their own children, continuing the chain of abuse. Sometimes those parents justify their behaviour based on their own experiences as children.

However, children are vulnerable and it is up to the caretakers to treat them properly. If the caretakers were themselves abused as children, this is their opportunity to break up the chain of abuse. Most vicious circles have one redeeming aspect: no matter where you cut it, the circle is finished.

It is not easy to take a stand and change, protecting their children instead of mistreating them. It is very rewarding to be able to do that and to see their children grow up in a good way. Most times their children do not even realize that they were treated much better than their parents were because for them everything is normal. That feeling, on the part of the children, is also a reward, it means that they were spared from hell without them knowing it.

 

Share

Facebook
LinkedIn
Pinterest
David Mibashan
David Mibashan
David Mibashan est le genre de psychologue que ses collègues auraient préféré ne pas avoir comme collègue. Pourquoi? Parce qu'on l'aurait voulu comme psychologue. David Mibashan a passé les 35 ans dernières années à peaufiner son écoute et son accompagnement. Il se perçoit comme un partenaire pour aller droit au cœur du problème. Vous progresserez, aucun doute là-dessus. «Quand les clients sont capables de se visualiser libérés de leur fardeau, il en reste moins long à faire», précise-t-il. David Mibashan travaille en anglais, en espagnol et en français. À noter qu'il est confortable en français, mais que cela demeure sa troisième langue.

Latest posts

3 questions parents ask during consultation process

Meetual’s team asked Danielle Perrier, English and French speaking specialist in early childhood, childhood and adolescence (0-17 years old) about those frequent questions. Here is …

Conversation with Dr. Lisa Campisi, child (parent) and adolescent psychologist
Virtuality, the sequel
Holidays and honesty

Leave a Reply

You might also like
How many layers does a psychotherapy have - Meetual
How many layers does a psychotherapy have?

When we start a therapy, how long will it take? how many different stages will it have? Of course the answer depends on many variables. It depends on the therapist, on the client, on the type of therapy that is being conducted.

On becoming a therapist | Meetual
On becoming a therapist

We do not become psychologists magically. Usually our pasts have brought us to study psychology to understand, to help others, to help ourselves.

Virtuality (with a team)
Virtuality (with a team)

As a psychologist, changing from a presential mode to a virtual one was not easy. I am glad I embraced virtuality and I feel great working with a team.